What is wrong with us???

The difference is mentoring and golf, I believe. I think men take a job through their frat or their golf connections. Some older guy is looking out for them. They go into their position with a secure handshake and drinks evenings and the like…they are welcomed in and feel secure. They know their position is golden, and they know they will rise.

Well, that doesn’t explain all cases of confidence, but it will explain some. Those who are groomed and mentored move on.

Think even of say, Christina Aguilera. Somebody, somewhere, said, okay, Mouseketeer, here’s what I can do for you. I’m your manager baby. Baby you look beautiful. Okay, let me introduce you to some people. Let me handle that for you….

Hmmmmm…

Interesting point about mentoring.

I think women are years behind in the mentoring process. Not to mention being savvy negotiators (dammit! I earned a raise!!!). That…and women are still trying to navigate corporate waters and shatter the glass ceiling.

Perhaps it’s the perception of women in the work place that is contributing to the emo malaise.?. There was a recent article about women who raise their voices at work. While men are perceived as powerful when they raise their voices, women are perceived as emotional. Men and women, behaving in the same factor, do not achieve the same outcome. Women are viewed as angry and thus less likely to receive a promotion, raise, etc….

Similar to Torque’s point, it seems that women are less likely to mentor each other. Despite the reputation for being nurturing (Victorian male propaganda, that) they don’t help nurture other women in their careers. At least, not that I’ve seen in male dominated fields. I can think of one woman I knew in a management position who was treated much more poorly by her immediate boss (also a woman) than any of her (less competent) male peers. Now maybe that’s part of the same Mistfit Toy syndrome, where the female boss feels like an imposter or fraud and assumes that despite appearances, that “competent” female subordinate is also a fraud who relies on luck rather than skill.

It also doesn’t do much for your self confidence when you find out later that the job was down to you or a black man so your department could get HR off their case about EEO. Just sayin’.

Hmmmmm….

So are we wimmen-folk doing this to ourselves? Or are we being typical women and trying to accept the blame and responsibility where none is due?

I still wonder if men are completely immune to the second guessing. If they are not immune, what are their coping skills? And…are there secret conversations going on that we are unaware of?

It this notion of impostor/unwanted stuffy based on gender or is an affliction that transcends sex?

Where, oh where, are the men? That’s right. I chased them away when I said they sneaked away to the dumper for a quick wank.

*note: do not alienate the demographic you want to most hear from*

I don’t think we entirely do it to ourselves.

Consider: We were out of school by the time they did the study that found that teachers (unconsciously) had a tendency to do difficult problems for girls or give them the answers to difficult questions while they made boys work it out for themselves or look up the answer.

If I had to guess, that’s the type of thing that subconsciously undermines women’s confidence in their abilities.

Not that I’m blaming teachers or anyone else for unconscious attitudes. I’m just saying that this has little or nothing to do with biology and a whole lot more to do with sociology.

Or consider:

We live in a society where we are told men and women are equal. Women make less for the same work, for using the same skills and abilities. Obviously if women’s work was just as good, their skillset was just as strong, they’d make the same money in an “equal” society, right? But they don’t. So it follows logically that if you are a woman and do as well at your job and are as successful as a man in a similar position, it must be based on luck rather than skill and ability.

I am a man, and I often feel like an impostor, especially when it comes to what I’m paid for. Then again, I was never mentored into that world (businessy tech/ecommerce, if it matters), and in fact I didn’t have a real job for damn near a decade after college. I always feel like people who didn’t pause between graduation and the professional world know how to navigate it better, since they’ve been soaking in it longer. Of course, “soaking in it longer” also tends to make roughly a fifth of them jargon-spewing nitwits, which puts me at a distinct advantage sometimes. So perhaps I am an exception to the rule. Or fancy myself as such.

Forgive the language; I’m listening to the Decemberists. Folderol! Samovar! etc.

At the risk of being skewered, I offer this. Professional women aren’t nice. They have trouble supporting women. They have trouble recongnizing support when it is offered. They don’t openly seek support for fear they will expose a weakness. They have worked harder than those around them to be where they are. They do not savor success. They expect it. They lack healthy mechanisms for dealing with failure.

That is where the impostor syndrome fits for me. It has never been ok to fail, to just fall flat on my face. This fear keeps many women from stepping to the plate at all. Not me. But, you can bet I’ll be ready with an excuse for why I may have failed. I find it comforting to tell myself that I didn’t deserve success in the first place. So much so, that I have found myself starting to situations on that premise.

Are men less afraid of failure? I don’t know. Are men more likely to be coached for success? Possibly. Is there something we can do as women to inspire more confidence in ourselves and each other? Absolutely. I feel it is our obligation to reach out and support one another in the workplace. It is up to us to create a culture where women aren’t afraid to try and failures really are “learning opportunities.” We are the real deal. If we could just remember that most days…

There are no “glass ceilings” if there are, they self imposed by the women themselves. Women must remember that men do not like their male dominated world of activities being invaded or penetrated by women. Because the true female achievers are better at it………..but not many.

Being a man in the “corporate jungle” I meet an awful lot of corporate idiots, many of them in CEO positions. I have never indulged in the corporate “ass kissing” nor allowed myself to accept the favour of the “old school tie network” or being sponsored, and that has cost me dearly. However, I have got things done based on merit and being better than anybody else..women who want to enter the “corporate corridors” should follow that example. Because any man who sticks his neck out in the male dominated business world for a woman, runs the risk of others doubting his judgment. And if they do, it will not be for the right reasons. A woman being qualified with merit and retaining her femininity will have a chance.

The day that woman adopts the male behaviour patterns, methods…all is lost.

Set the pace and “lead by example” and you will have a chance of showing us men that they are as good as we are…….or not.

I have in the past mentored women in a classroom environment. showing them the fundamentals for success, and once they started to inter react. I realized, that women can be as good if not better with whatever they want to be.

Maybe you should be working more instead of blogging.Men don’t blog that is why they get er’ done but you just blab blab blab blab and so on.I bet you won’t put this on the comments,with your 3 members and all.Your blog reads like a half communist rag.Love it or leave it we don’t want your kind in the U.S. goodbye