Rape the Grocery Store!

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Observations

Aaaaah…the threat of, “winter weather” is hovering over the Triangle.  According to the weather folks, Raleigh is due to receive a dusting to a 1/2″ of snow and/or 1/10″ of ice.  You know what this means….

BUY ALL THE BREAD, WATER AND CANNED GOODS YOU CAN!!!

I had to go to the grocery store today because…I was out of food.  Perhaps I picked the worst possible time of the day or it was the perfect storm of idiots descending upon the Harris Teeter to stock up on non-perishables.  Egad.  People standing in the middle of the aisles, staring aimlessly at food while having drool trickle out the side of their mouths.  People meandering with their damn buggies.  People dragging their knuckles and grunting.

Winter weather in the South is cause for mass hysteria.

Yes.  Everyone *must* hurry off to the store and buy food.  After that, they high-tail it to the Home Depot to buy a proper shovel and a generator.

What really gets me is the driving. 

Our roads are not well maintained in the winter.  Since winter weather is rare, the muncipalities do not have many, “Scrapers” (they’re called snow plows, motherphuckers).  What we do have is trucks spreading brine on the roads. 

We also have our fair share of moronic drivers.  Drivers who think that they can drive on ice because they own a four wheel drive, suburban assault vehicle.  Drivers who cannot understand what went wrong when they skid off the road into a telephone pole or ditch.

The, “natives” oft ask me why I refuse to leave the house during inclement weather.  “Y’all grew up up North.  What’s the problem.”

I shall tell you the problem.

Up North, the roads are maintained.  Up North, most of us do not drive in treachorous conditions.  Up North, we use our phucking brains.

I spent six years working for an idiot who thought he was immune to the forces of nature because he drove a Toyota RoadRunner (or whatever the phuck you call it).  A good, old boy who just couldn’t grasp the concept that his RoadRunner wasn’t going to deliver him safely to his destination.  Out of spite he would offer me rides to work.  Now…if I’m not comfortable with driving myself (after living for six years in the Snow Belt of Western Pennsylvania), why would I compromise my physical well-being to share a ride with this inept lunatic?

Aaaaah…I digress.

I have hunkered down with my obligatory loaf of bread and bag of kitty litter.  I’m ready.  Bring it on.

And…if you need me, I’ll be laughing at your sorry asses tomorrow morning while watching the news from the comfort of my warm, cozy home.