Very angry people…

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Observations

…design packaging materials.

I gobble Prilosec on a daily basis. Some days, I take a Benadryl. Both are packaged in those ridiculous, plastic bubble packs with the paper on the back. The manufacturers try to help the feeble-minded consumer by printing an arrow and making the packaging scored.

This does not work.

Every morning, I try to open the Prilosec. The only thing that I accomplish is tearing off fragments of thin paper which manage to make their way to my floors, combining with the tumbleweeds of animal fur. I cannot pick them up because they run away from me, laughing. The only thing I can do is attack the blister pack with a knife. A sharp knife. A sharp knife which will, one day, send me to the ER with a gushing wound inches deep.

I cannot figure out why the designers of this sort of packaging hate humanity so much. I could not begin to fathom what happened to them when they were children. Perhaps they were bullied on the school-yard?

The worst part is that I cannot boycott these products. I need to have the Prilosec. I need the Benadryl for the occasional allergic reaction. I’m screwed.

I need to figure out a way to even the score. Perhaps I’ll send all the blister packs back to the manufacturer with a nice note telling them to phuck the phuck off.

Another group of very angry people is IATA. I believe they are the assholes responsible for developing all routes for air travel. You know, the ones who had the brilliant idea of routing me through Chicago, in January, on my way to Sweden (leave Raleigh and fly due north west to go north east). This brain fart left me rotting on the tarmac in Chicago for three and a half hours because of some snow flurries. Yay!

I think they also might be the assholes who decide to land my plane at the very end of the airport and making me traverse the entire airport in a half-hour, trudging along a purse and my laptop.

Lastly - gate agents. I’m torn with about this nomination for Very Angry People since my father-in-law works for an airline. However, these must be some of the angriest motherphuckers I have ever met in my life. As I run (or do my version of running) for a flight that I’m typically on the verge of missing, I find myself at the desk, panting and wheezing. They see this and say, “Relax.” Relax? Relax? As I spewed at the lovely gate agents in JFK, “I’m a phucking asthmatic! Talk to me when you cannot breath you motherphucker.” Surprisingly enough, my bags always seem to arrive with me.

Alas…that’s my rant for today.

People are very angry. They make me very angry. Then I become a very angry person.

And so it goes.