Quitting Smoking

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Personal

…for the millionth time.  Or so it seems.

So I quit tobacco on the 16th of June.  One slip on the 22nd consisting of two cigarettes.  Since then, it’s been me, the patch and a lot of whining.

“They” say (and, “they” are always right) that the longer you go, the less frequent but the more severe the cravings are.  I have found this, in my previous attempts, to be completely true.  As it stands right now, I’m sitting at my desk, watching the clock.  “They” say massive cravings only last a few moments.  The on-set of my demon begin at 10.53.

Since that time, I have taken a walk around the parking lot, gobbled an anti-anxiety tablet, joined an internet forum for folks who are in the same boat, shed a tear and squeezed a coffee cup.  I’m still feeling like absolute hell.  If there were a small animal around, I should certain run over it with a car.

My rationale for quitting smoking is basic common sense.  While I loved my sole vice more than anything, working in healthcare has shown me exactly what is going to happen to my body if I continue.  It sucks.  It sucks having one vice and having to give up said vice.

I started thinking about substance abuse and withdrawal, in general.  Funny that you can enter rehab for alcohol, drugs, compulsive behaviours, etc… but there is no, “rehab” for us nicotine addicts.  We have to go it alone, through every day life, with every day pressures.  We have to suck it up.  There is no safe place for us to dry out and get the shit out of our system.  I wonder why that is?

If you haven’t noticed, I have been very quiet on the internets as of late.  Work has kept me quite occupied.  But, I have found a way to keep my mind active while not at work.  I have substituted my addiction for nicotine with a video game.  For some odd reason, while playing a game, I find myself less inclined to want a cigarette.  My mind is so preoccupied with the game, it’s a little emotional and mental tranquility for me.

None the less, I do wish there was some sort of treatment facility I could go hide at for thirty days.  It would make the process so much easier.  So, so much easier.

And what’s with the Nicotine Anonymous meetings, anyhow?  I noticed my local chapter meets ONCE A WEEK.  WTF?  Not once a day.  Once a phucking week.  I was hoping for a program I could attend in the morning and the evening.  Nope.  Sundays only.

:sighs:

And thus ends my fragmented rant.

For now.

I’m off for a good crying jag.