Abuse of the English Language…Redux

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Diction and Rhetoric, Rants

This morning, chatting on The Local, a tangent arose (as tangents do). The topic of the conversation was the abuse and misuse of the apostrophe.

As you may know, nothing irritates Kodos more than incorrect spelling. Nothing.

Well, if you wish to piss off Dock Ellis, simply slap an apostrophe in an inappropriate place. And wait for his head to explode.

I found this gem on line the other day. I think Dock’s new name is going to be Bob the Angry Flower. You can find out more about Bob the Angry Flower here.

Stop the abuse!!!

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Diction and Rhetoric, Rants

Time to change how we spell wurdz?
Group wants Americans to adopt phonetic spelling

Of the many things that make my blood boil; there is no greater offense than the massacre of the English language. Go ahead; say I’m snooty like the French. Accuse me of wanting an Anglo version of L’Acadé­©e franç¡©se. I do not care. I cannot stand it when people misspell words. I just cannot. It sparks the burning desire of wanting to take a red pencil and scribble like a mad English teacher.

I am in no way a master of all things grammatically correct. I spent a semester in Dr Falkensten’s Advanced Diction & Rhetoric class in high school. I learned enough to know when I’m making a mistake. I took the course way, way, way back in my youth and have forgotten most of it. Or…should I say, I know enough to know that I’m not always correct. But at least I can spell and/or use the damn dictionary when I am stumped.

Reading MSNBC today (and consequently being rather unproductive at work), I stumbled across an article that sent shivers down my crooked spine. Apparently, there is a group of people who think that we should overhaul our dear language to facilitate the learning process. These idiots want to change the spelling of all words to reflect “phonetic pronunciation.” These idiots are clearly misguided, as phonetic pronunciation includes the eth and schwa (hey…if I had to sit through phonetics in college, someone is going to listen to my useless knowledge). Anyhooo…this movement would like to see our language look like this:

“Lurning English reqierz roet memory rather than lojic, he sed.”

What the PHUCK????

English is English. There is no need to make any changes. Has everyone forgotten about the push for Ebonics? Is it any wonder that people are so entirely devoid of knowledge that they cannot spell properly?

Case in Point:

I was trolling through the forum on The Local the other day and I saw a thread regarding the England/Portugal football match. The author spelled “we’re” as “weare.” I am not kidding. And this person’s mother tongue is ENGLISH.

People who can neither spell nor reference a dictionary need to be culled from the herd and shot on sight. Or…sterilised. I’m not a huge fan of Eugenics but sometimes, just sometimes, certain people should not reproduce. It is an extreme way to preserve a language, but if it keeps me from reading crap like that…I’m all for it.

It is one thing to make a typo. We all do it. My fingers do not work in direct correlation with my brain at times. Spell Check is not always your friend. That said, I still have the capacity to write a proper sentence and spell. And so should you!

Aaaaaaie!!!!

Phew. I need a drink.

Lastly…for those of you who care, you can access Merriam-Webster OnLine here.

Spell Check

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Diction and Rhetoric

Spell check sucks. It provides you with a false sense of intelligence. It also makes you dumb. Really dumb. I used to be a whiz-kid with spelling. No lie…my sorority nickname was, “Webster” (as in the dictionary). After years of using Word, e-mail or any other program like that my brain has started to decay.

I think I may need to make flash cards…just to keep me on my toes.