What is wrong with us???

Posted by High Priestess Kang as Observations, Personal, The Think Tank

…or what isn’t wrong with us.

I have spent a good portion of the day pondering the commentary left in response to my, “It’s 1984 all over again” post (colleagues, management, etc… I spent a good part of the day pecking away at an RFP). Whilst, “misery makes company” I remain utterly confounded by the fact that this feeling of loathing and doom is shared by many accomplished, professional women. This begs the question, “What is wrong with us?”

Men do not appear to walk around with this secret shame, this fear of failure. Well…not overtly or not that they would ever admit to being a professional impostor, a fraud or an unwanted stuffy. There is a whiff of braggadocio as they saunter through the office, looking like King of Commerce, Lord of the Cubicle, Prince of Fluorescent Lighting, Master of the Blackberry. It may be acceptable for a man to fret when corporate right-sizing is announced, “How on earth am I to be strong like bull and provide for my barefoot and pregnant wife when I’m not earning any cabbage?” It is not, however, acceptable for men to walk around thinking, “Am I out of my league? Will I be exposed? Am I the Peter Principle personified?”

Or do they?

What components of our intrinsic nature make us women not only question our abilities, accomplishments and talents, but vocalize said wonderment? Studies have proven that women, much to the chagrin of men, do not chatter more than men. Although, we are more nurturing which may be the key in our fostering a safe forum for others to vent their spleens.

Who the phuck really knows.

Perhaps I’m not being fair to my male counterparts. Perhaps I’m creating the hackneyed tempest in a teapot in a feeble attempt to cope with my own flaws. Or…perhaps I’m on to something. It’s probably a combination of all of the previous statements. Whatever it is, I remain just as confused by the commentary of exceptionally accomplished women as I remain confused and stymied about my new job.

My friend, the economics whiz, whom I shall refer to as Adam Smith, suggested the, “Impostor Syndrome.” Adam Smith holds two degrees at the tender age of early 30s and is looking to pursue her MBA at a sub-Ivy. She is the embodiment of those women you really want to hate because not only are they truly gifted and talented, they’re nice. So nice that you cannot find it within yourself to hate them and you make sure your eyes and ears are open when in their company in the event that you might actually learn something.

Henrythepenguin, the self-made CFO, feels as if she is part of the unwanted stuffed animal club…group of professional misfits. Henry…the woman who has obtained everything through sheer determination, grit and mind-numbingly hard, hard work.

Not attempting to compare myself with the above, but I’m not exactly a professional slouch. Yes…I could apply myself a little more and not hide behind my, “artistic” temperament but even the worst boss of all time said, “When you’re on your game, there’s no one better.” He said that whilst gritting his teeth, mind you.

How much more validation do we need? From what source do we draw upon? Obviously, looking at sheepskins on the wall and beefy CVs certainly isn’t validation enough. Neither is a glowing review, a big fat raise nor a promotion.

I wonder if men really do suffer from a similar affliction. I wonder if my paragraph above was far too nasty and unfair. Or maybe men are simply preoccupied with the every fifteen second sexual thought? Or fishing. Or football. Or ball scratching.

Again. I’m being unfair. I’m being an ugly, jealous, green-eyed monster (instead of a red-eyed, green monster). I should never think of myself as suffering from penis envy. I do, however, find myself suffering from confidence envy.

This, among many other times (like dating, relationships, marriage, etc…), is one of those times where I wish I could infiltrate the male mind to gain a better understanding with respect to professional confidence. Perhaps they disguise their fears in different ways. Perhaps they fret in different ways.

Then they disappear to the bathroom for a quick wank (is it any wonder why males will not provide feedback to this post).

Alas…I’m off to exert my control through the almighty (or in the case of our currency, the alfeeble) dollar. Somewhere, out there, is a Diane von Furstenburg coat which needs to move into my closet.

I am still popular on t3h intarw3bz.

Posted by High Priestess Kang as T3h Intarweb, The Think Tank

To enhance Madame Firesnake’s poignant and brilliant post…

As you have noticed, I finally (ok…Dock actually bought it for me) purchased my own domain.  There were several reasons behind this purchase.  Yes.  I wanted my own domain.  My own .com.  *titters*  But the seedy underbelly of cyber popularity was the actual reason.  A few days ago, I had an epiphany.  I don’t, “own” all rights to KangWorld and High Priestess Kang on t3h intarwebs.  This resulted in frenzied mass registration of email addresses through multiple (free) email providers.  Then came the domain.

While I was registering the domain name, I made a fantastic discovery.  All domain names are listed in a “Who Is” directory.  Who Is is the white pages of the internet.  If you own a domain name, your name, address, phone number blah blah blah is listed in this database.  Having been the victim of cyber-stalking (along with Madame Firesnake), I opted to pay the additional $9.00 per year (less than the telephone company charges me for my unlisted telephone number) and keep myself private.  w00t!  Quite a bargain when you consider the ROI (return on investment).

Microcelebreality has a price, as well.  Mind you…I am not complaining.  My ego loves the fact that people will actually read what I have to say.  I’m only human (rather, Rigellian), after all.  However…there is the seedy side of Microcelebreality.  The side that includes hate email, trolling and phucked up calls to my parents’ house.  At first, I was terrified.  Simply terrified.  Who are these people and what, exactly, do they want?  Do they need to validate their own misery?  Are they that pathetic and soulless?  The answer to those questions is simply, “yes.”

There is another detrimental side to Microcelebreality.  The professional implication.  The very thing that keeps food in my belly, the roof over my head and the power running to engage in this behavior.  I have experienced the absolute draconian response to an employer’s dissatisfaction with my off-time behavior.  Enormous tension, hatred, bitterness and the complete inability to accept that my politics do not interfere with my ability to perform my job properly.  This hatred, upon discovering certain facets of my personality and beliefs, tainted a relationship with a former manager.  Note…former.  This should speak volumes.

What people need to consider, when engaging in intarnets activities, is the consequences.  I have only learned these through trial and error.  More over, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change a thing, either.  None of the unpleasantries have driven me out of the cyberworld and I cannot imagine they ever will.  I’m far too stubborn.  I do not back down from a fight.  If I have learned anything about myself in dealing with the nonce-cases, the numpties and the nutters, it is that I am a lot stronger than I had thought.  Most view me as an emotional weakling, a fragile lady who hides behind a well crafted alt to keep herself safe.  The trials and tribulations of living out loud have allowed me to realize that I’m one tough broad.  My carriage and demeanor reflects this.  It’s taken me 35 years to realize, “I have cajones.”

Forever the optimist, I cannot envision changing any of my attributes or behaviors.  While the stalkers are out there, that’s basically it…they’re out “there.”  They are not here.  And if they come here, we pack heat, so the joke will be on them.  While the current trend of employers is to cyber snoop to dig up dirt on potential candidates, that behavior is going to wane, as well.  After a while, the employer is going to discover that there are few who don’t have skeletons in their closets and their rigid parameters will need to be revised and relaxed, if not entirely discarded.

I live in my fishbowl by choice.  I accept the good and the bad that goes along with it.  I can offer cautionary tales and advice.  However, I will never discourage anyone from doing the same.  The positives outweigh the negatives.

As for the nutters and nonce-cases, they’re my mental junk food.  95% of them are dickless and harmless.  The other 5%…well…they are unpleasant.  However a large portion of the 5% do possess neither the stamina nor fortitude that I do.  It’s not a challenge.  It’s not an invitation to test me.  It’s a proven fact.  Proven by the fact that I walk on three morons every day the moment I logon.  Their goal wasn’t realized, I’m still here.  And it will never be realized for I do not write for them.  I write for me.  I think for me.  I live for me.  The fuel it takes to feed the drama llamas and stalkers isn’t here.

Microcelebrity

Posted by Ming the Merciless as Guest Author, Ming the Merciless, T3h Intarweb, The Think Tank

or The Cult of Personality on the Internet

I used to post this kind of random screed at the now defunct www.theted.org. Since it’s not the kind of thing that fits so well in my blog, I thought I’d add it to the more diverse Kangworld.

I was thinking, the other day, about what it takes to be popular on the internet.

Now, Ms. K and myself have both been accused of being “popular.” It never occurred to either of us to apply the label to ourselves. It’s become a running joke. It’s not always a funny one.

The internet blurs that line between public figure and private individual. Putting yourself on the internet creates a public record of yourself. Stupid shit you’ve said, embarrassing photos, the whole nine. After we’ve hung it out there, we don’t get to take it back. No matter how much we may want to in the future. Sure, we want to be known for our brilliance, our shining moments of excellence but whatever goes up has an equal chance of being the thing that starts us down the path to popular. The lowest common denominator being what it is, the more personal and embarrassing the more likely it is to become internet sensation.

I’m not talking about the wannabe celebs that think that YouTube or Blogger will catapult them into stardom. I’m talking about the plain old Joes who take up blogging because it seems neat and their friends do it or who want to post some how-tos or make a web site about their model train collection.

It’s a matter of people being larger than life. It’s an impressionist canvas. A few broad strokes of personality and the brain of the reader, the casual surfer, does the rest. Be engaging, be opinionated, and most of all, produce content. It helps to have a fantastic set of tatas too.

Like anything else, it’s a competition. There are people that want to be popular on the internet. They want a little group of followers around them, idolizing them. Telling them they are great. What is internet popularity though? A hundred people? A thousand? It’s measured in page hits and site visits. And it’s not the kind of numbers that make a Johnny Depp film worth the investment. Microcelebrity.

The element of conversation makes it powerful; it’s different from the popularity of the unapproachable Hollywood star or musician. Some web sites have already seized on that. As usual, porn is on the front line with Suicide Girls and Fatal Beauty adding a new dimension. They bring the ideas and opinions of the girls to life in a way that a centerfold profile never could. They are selling not just the flesh but the personality. A conversation. And people buy.

The unfunny part comes when the obsessives come out of the woodwork. And they do. Even itty bitty communities like Kangworld have the uncomfortable specter of those who, for whatever reason, don’t have the ability to generate that particular cult of personality for themselves. And who have taken bitterly the rejection of being told “please don’t contact me any more.”

In the seedy underbelly of the casual readership are a few who want something more. The reality is that they are strangers, a part of something casual. A nod at the coffee counter, a quick smiley in a blog comment. Pleasantries. In their own heads it becomes more. Proof they own a piece of their own little celeb. That they have been noticed.

It’s a puzzle, the mass of emotion. The entitlement, the mingled admiration and animosity that sometimes emerge. It’s almost Oedipal in some ways. There comes forward a desire to posess, and if that cannot be, to replace.

It’s more common than you think.

I’m still thinking about the phenomena and how it’s changing how we interact with each other. It’s certainly changing how I interact online. How about you?

In the tradition of Lincoln-Douglass

Posted by Dock Ellis as The Think Tank

…or not.

Kang has decided that Trowbridge Ford and I should debate a topic over in the forums. Trowbridge has agreed, and I now officially throw my hat in the ring as well. The comments under this post will help decide the topic and structure. Trowbridge, I am open to all suggestions, here are some of mine-

I would like to adhere to a semi-formal debate format, so that things don’t devolve into an endless slugfest of lengthy broadsides (as usually happens in our forum debates). Perhaps something like-

-Pro constructive

-Con cross exam of Pro, includes refuting of Pro argument
-Con constructive

-Pro cross exam of Con, includes refuting of Con argument
-Pro rebuttal, includes closing
-Con rebuttal, includes closing

We need to format it so that Trowbridge and I are the only ones involved in the actual debate- comments should be allowed separately, but the debate itself should be mano-a-mano.

There will be no namecalling, insults, or personal attacks.

As for topics, you mentioned Stalin… care to take the pro to my con?

As I said, I’m open to ideas both from Trowbridge and the peanut gallery. Ultimately though, Trowbridge and I will have final say.

Comments?