When a joke goes bad…

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, Op/Ed, Rants

…but it’s not a joke. Really.

So one of the hens from The View, Sherri Shepherd, decided to make a funny:

She also tells the mag that that it is hard being ‘taken to task about her faith’ on The View:

“Oh sometimes I say, ‘Lord, Juanita Bynum or Joyce Myers (evangelists) would be so good at this table. They could lay hands on Barbara Walters and get her saved. I ask the Lord, ‘Why am I here?’ I have to trust God when He says, ‘Because I said so.’”

Ok. This isn’t a joke. This is an actual, motherphucking, huge-ass, gorilla of a problem.

Why do, “Christians” feel audacious enough that they think they can lead someone to being, “saved?” Furthermore, why do, “Christians” feel like people should be saved? Maybe we don’t want to? Have you ever thought about that, folks?

At first, I was seething because Barbara Walters is a Jewess, like me. Living in The Bible Belt/The South, I hear this shit incessantly. People thinking they mean well but they, ultimately, don’t. They’re just being narrow minded, self-absorbed, selfish and disrespectful.

So disrespectful that a former colleague of mine actually took me out to lunch to address my life of sin. All because she was worried about me. Note: SHE was worried. SHE. It was all about HER. Not me. Not my beliefs. No respect for me - at all. The fact that I’m a Jewess and refuse to accept (let alone acknowledge) Christ as my savior had been keeping her up at night and that just won’t do!

Sherri Shepherd was not joking. She does believe this shit. Any attempt to spin this story any other way is merely that - a feeble attempt to hide her blantant arrogance.

And to her other comment about the bazillions of abortions she had: it’s a good thing. We don’t need the stupid and the arrogant procreating.

Moar abortions and less fundies, kplzthnx!

Why I am embarrassed (at times) to be a Jew

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z, Politics, Religion

The January 2008 - Tevet/Sh’vat 5768 issue of the Raleigh Cary Jewish Federation News landed in my postbox the other day. It’s interesting reading, even though I am not active in the local Jewish scene (for reasons you will glean from my post). Over a bowl of Rice Krispies, I peruse the paper and stumble across something rather upsetting. And embarrassing.

There is an article written by Susan Behrend about Dr Sandra Alfonsi’s address to Beth Meyer Synagogue in Raleigh. Dr Sandra Alfonsi is the head of Hadassah’s Curriculum Watch. According to the article (and some very brief googling), Dr Alfonsi speaks at various engagements, reporting on the, “widespread attempt on the part of educators to present material about Islam, to help students understand some of the conflicts in the world today, especially 09.11.” The article goes on to explore the sources which are universities with departments of Middle Eastern Studies and with money given by Saudi Arabia.

According to Dr Alfonsi, the text is riddled with inaccuracies about Israel and the Holocaust.

Furthermore, the article states:

• Lesson plans on the Israel-Palestine conflict direct students to pressure the government to cut off aid to Israel.
• Social Studies texts list the names of the world religions deleting all mention of Jews and Judaism.
• Discussion of the Bible starts at Exodus, not Genesis, thus deleting all connection of the Jews to the land that is currently Israel.
• Some material presenting Islam to American students has them practicing Islamic prayers.

The article goes on to report that Dr Alfonsi has met with the North Carolina Department of Public Instruction to express concerns and ask questions about textbooks being considered.

As Jews, it is imperative, per our teaching/scripture, to learn. The pursuit of learning is paramount to Judaism. And here we sit, as some sort of book-burning witch hunt, criticising what is in texts. Now, in practice, I do not disagree with being concerned about inaccurate portrayals of history. History has been revised for many years to facilitate whatever political process the student lives in/under. I do find it disconcerting that history may have been bastardized. I also find it disconcerting that the article fails to demonstrate exactly how history has been bastardized.

What really concerns me is this level of fear mongering, however.

Are Jewish children, Christian children, children who are agnostic, atheist, Buddhist, Humanist, etc… not supposed to learn about the Islamic faith? How are the children, the future of any society, supposed to learn without exploring all religions? And…why are demands being made that children learn one way but not the other?

The article cites valid concerns. I feel compelled to repeat that. On the other hand, I cannot help but take away a sense of witch-huntery and a strong, Zionist message.

One of the things that drove me away from routine worship was the fact that I could not find a synagogue that did not co-mingle politics and faith. I want to be able to worship without hearing dramatic accounts of how certain Jewish sects in Israel discriminate against others. I want to be able to worship without being hit up for bucks to support Israel.

All of this is very challenging for me to wrap my head around, since, as I age, I become more comfortable with the need for Israel. Jews do need a homeland to protect them from disgusting and horrific events such as the Holocaust. 5,700+ years has proven that the concept of being anti-Semitic isn’t going anywhere.

On the other hand, what does it say about a group of people who are expressing deep concern about children learning something which may be different? Doesn’t that show fear? Doesn’t that demonstrate some level of intolerance? Doesn’t that make us just as guilty as those who persecute us?

Sparky and Adam Smith’s son goes to a fantastic school in Morrisville. Shortly before Christmas, Dock and I went to Sparky and Adam’s house for a cup of holiday sneer. We looked at some schoolwork from Sparky Jr. It was a coloring book of all the major religious holidays, Christmas, Eid, Chanukkah (ok…that’s not major but you get my drift) and Diwali. The exercise was to teach the children that there is more out there than what is practiced in their home. This promotes tolerance. This promotes actual education. This promotes harmony and understanding. This makes me want to send whatever offspring I have to that exact, same school.

What happens if we take that which is different out of textbooks simply because of politics?

While I appreciate Dr Alfonsi’s desire to protect history and report, accurately, on the Jewish struggle, I cannot help but feel compromised by the fact that someone is willing to censor and limit knowledge. I cannot help but question our own actions. I cannot help but wonder if we are doing the same thing we, as a religious minority, resent in a Christian society.

So long as it is an, “us against them” mentality, there will never be peace in the Middle East or anywhere else for that matter. This is not to discount the great, “Islamic threat” to the world (and I gag as I write this). But there is also a great, “Christian threat” and a great, “Jewish threat.” So long as there is rabid ideology, understanding will never be reached.

One cannot demand accuracy, equal time and fairness without offering it up, themselves. One cannot condemn financing from one nation with a political agenda, while accepting and/or donating money to a similar cause. One cannot turn to an institute of higher learning for accurate facts to support their ideology and condemn those who do the same thing simply because they disagree. This stinks of hypocrisy.

Perhaps I am the, “Worst Jew in the World” for thinking this. Perhaps I will be ostracised for not fully supporting this endeavour. That is a risk I am willing to take. I cannot, as a Jew, ask for tolerance and respect without offering it up myself. I cannot, as a minority, expect equality when I’m not willing to grant it. I cannot, as a human being, allow anyone to remain fully ignorant so long as I have my keyboard and an internet connection.

The risk is too great.

It is one thing to ask for equal time and accuracy in historical reporting. It is another thing to act is if your message is the only message which needs to be heard.

Aren’t we better than this?

*note: unfortunately, this article is not on-line, otherwise, I would have done due diligence and linked it.

Duh!

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL Gheys, LOL J00z, LOL Swedes

Mad props to Paul O’Mahony from The Local for this one. 

LOL!  J00z and gheyers.  The High Priestess Kang and Mutley really do run the world.  Go, go, Kidon!!!

Vegas run by gays and Jews, says magician
by Paul O’Mahony

Swedish magician Joe Labero has provoked a strong reaction with suggestions that Las Vegas is controlled by “Jewish business syndicates, American dollar millionaires and homosexual booking agents”.

The magic master’s comments were made in an interview with rail company SJ’s on-board magazine Kupé.

As a prelude to his controversial thesis, Labero explained that he has long been close to getting his own show in Las Vegas.

“But at the end of the day it seems to be impossible - unless you are a homosexual, a Jew or an American.

“I don’t mean to sound prejudiced of course, I’m just cynical. A blond Swedish Viking will have a hard time breaking through the hierarchies that control Vegas, where power rests in the hands of Jewish business syndicates, American dollar millionaires and homosexual booking agents.

“But I will get there, sooner of later,” Labero told the magazine.

Joe Labero is the stage name of Lars Bengt Roland Johansson.

Sören Andersson, chairman of the Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights (RFSL) took exception to the illusionist’s remarks.

“I think it’s rather nasty to say thinks like this. The implication is that everybody who is not ether Jewish or homosexual is being discriminated against,” he told The Local.

“It is reminiscent of the world-famous Jewish conspiracy, now extended to also include Jews. But these are two groups that have typically been the victims of discrimination.

“Putting the blame on specific groups says more about Joe Labero than anybody else,” he added.

The editor of Kupé magazine admitted that he had been hesitant about publishing the controversial quotes.

“We discussed this a lot internally before arriving at the conclusion that it would be controversial and inappropriate in the context of a Swedish discussion.

“But we also raised it in the context of an American discussion, where it is not considered controversial to say that decisions in Hollywood are dominated by Jewish, homosexual and American interests,” Gunnar Wesslén told newspaper Resumé.

Rail operator SJ has taken up the matter with Mediabolaget, the company responsible for producing the magazine on its behalf.

“We are having serious talks with the editor and the company about what has happened and why it was allowed to happen,” press spokesman Mark Vadasz told Resumé.

Joe Labero meanwhile has shelved his plans for a Vegas show as he instead sets his sights on Asia.

“I am quite simply a bit tired of the Yanks at the moment,” he told Kupé.

Tommy Thompson loves t3h J00z

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z, Politics

…or at least our uncanny ability to generate revenue.

Thompson apologizes for Jewish comments
Candidates says he meant to compliment success of Jewish businesses

WASHINGTON - Republican presidential candidate Tommy Thompson told a Jewish group Monday that earning money is “part of the Jewish tradition,” a remark for which he later apologized.

“I’m in the private sector and for the first time in my life I’m earning money,” Thompson told the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism. “You know that’s sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that.”

Later, he added: “I just want to clarify something because I didn’t (by) any means want to infer or imply anything about Jews and finances and things. What I was referring to, ladies and gentlemen, is the accomplishments of the Jewish religion. You’ve been outstanding business people and I compliment you for that.”

The Israeli newspaper Haaretz first reported the comments.

Asked about the comments, Thompson spokesman Tony Jewell said the former Wisconsin governor, who is Catholic, was sorry.

“Governor Thompson recognizes he misspoke in his remarks to the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, and is very apologetic, especially given his strong relationship with the Jewish community in the United States and Israel,” Jewell said in a telephone interview.

“He didn’t mean it as such,” Jewell said. “He is sorry he misspoke in complimenting the success that Jewish people have had in the United States. It is something that he admires - financially and otherwise.”

Jewell said that one of Thompson’s first trade missions as governor was to Israel in 1988.

Thompson, who served as secretary of Health and Human Services in the Bush administration, has launched a long-shot bid for president. Thompson is a partner at Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld, independent chairman at Deloitte Center for Health Solutions, and president of Logistics Health.

Thompson is using some of his new private sector money to help fund his campaign. His latest campaign finance report shows that he loaned his campaign $75,000 in the first quarter of the year, accounting for nearly 20 percent of the $391,000 he raised in the reporting period. Jewell said that Thompson has loaned the campaign an additional $50,000 since that report was filed.

The Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism confirmed Thompson’s remarks were accurate, but declined to comment beyond saying that it was pleased he addressed the group.

Yay Jews!

The most amusing part is his attempt to dig his way out from under the debris of the gaffe.

The accomplishment of the Jewish religion?  Is accomplishment limited to a particular group?  Credited to a particular group?

People really need to think about what flies out of their damn mouths.  People really need to consider what they are saying around their children which perpetuates this ridiculous stupidity.

I’m so phucking tired of reading about public officials who seem to enjoy eating their feet on a regular basis.  How ’bout this, take a big cup of shut the phuck up and employ some common decency for once. 

No one group owns making money, success or education.  Get the phuck over it and start talking about people and society as that.  Not gender.  Not race.  Not religion.  Not sexual orientation.

Phuckers.

Lox by any other name…

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z

*note:  this was written about my adventures last Friday.  Due to excessive amount of time spent on yard work and a very addicting game, I haven’t had the opportunity to post until now.  This would explain the consumption of the leavened treat as opposed to the consumption of delightfully bland matzo.

Bless their Goyishe hearts, those non-Jews.

Typically, I go home for lunch.  Given that I had to run to the bank today, this was not an option.  I elected to go to the local bagelery for a quick nosh.

I spring into the store, slither to the counter and the following interchange ensues:

Bagel Dude:  Ma’am what would you like today?

Kang:  Sesame bagel, plain cream cheese, lox and cucumbers, please.

Bagel Dude:  Lox?

Kang:  Mmmm hmmmm

Bagel Dude:  We don’t have lox?

Kang:  Come again?  No lox?

Voice from the back:  She wants salmon.

Bagel Dude:  Ooooooh.

Kang:  Mmmmmm.

Granted, Raleigh isn’t exactly J00 central.  That does not excuse not knowing what lox is.  In a bagel shop!

While my bagel was being slapped together (you should have seen the way the uber-goy mangled it during slicing), I took the time to read the menu (not that I cared).  They do not advertise lox.  They advertise salmon.  *shakes head in disgust*

This isn’t one of those, “that’s the way we do it up North” moments either.  This is serious shit.  When you have a bagel store, you serve phucking lox.  Do you know why?  Because the J00z, who basically invented this carbolicious delight (no…Al Gore is not the father of bagels and lox) say so!  J00z are the only word in bageldom.  There should be no bastardization of this rule.

I suppose it could have been a lot worse.  He could have confused everything and made me a ham bagel slathered in mayonnaise.

Two things I am going to ban once Daphne takes over the world and makes me her deputy:

• Ham bagels
• Mayonnaise

If you want the Goyishe delights, go to Honeybaked Ham.  Leave the bagels to the J00z.

J00z in tha N00z

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z

The secret is out.  The Mossad chapter meeting is in full tilt.

Don’t blame me…I’m still in Raleigh.  I swear.  Maybe.

Christmas Eve parties now a Jewish tradition
With no Santa to wait for, revelers attend Matzo balls across the U.S.

MIAMI - With no tradition of leaving cookies for Santa, no church to attend and no expectation of presents in the morning, Christmas Eve used to hold little to look forward to for non-Christians — until the Matzo Ball and other night-before-Christmas parties.

Part reunion, part date night, these parties draw thousands of people. The granddaddy of them all, the Matzo Ball, will be held this year at clubs in six cities.

Organizers say the events are open to everyone, though the crowds are overwhelmingly Jewish singles and couples in their 20s and 30s.

“For Jews, Christmas Eve has become the dating or the matchmaking night,” said Andy Rudnick, 42, creator of the Matzo Ball. “That’s the night that things happen.”

Rudnick was just out of college when he threw the first Matzo Ball party — named for the large dumpling featured in traditional Jewish cuisine — in Boston in 1987. To his surprise, 2,000 people showed up. It’s grown ever since, and Rudnick, who has moved to Florida, even met his wife at a Matzo Ball in 1997.

Time for a Schmooz-a-Palooza
This year, the parties are being held in Boston, New York, Denver, Washington, Miami and Boca Raton.

The Matzo Balls have competition. A party sponsored by the Tampa Jewish Federation is called Vodka Latke after the Jewish pancakes, and the Eve Party in Miami Beach is hosted by an organization called Jmerica. In Los Angeles, it’s the Schmooz-a-Palooza, which has drawn over 1,000 people in the past, and New York has The Ball, now in its 12th year.

“I think that every two seconds on the radio you hear another Christmas song and everywhere you go you see Christmas trees,” said Lewis Weinger, who organized the Schmooz-a-Palooza for 12 years before JDate took over. “I think in a predominantly non-Jewish environment, even Los Angeles, I think it’s an important night for Jewish people to get together and connect and to party and be proud they’re Jewish.”

Robert Fellman, 31, of Boca Raton, said he has attended the Matzo Ball ever since he turned 21.

“I look forward to it all year. It’s definitely not just another night out,” he said.

Chanukkah!

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z, Religion

No.  Not that annoying Adam Sandler bullshit song either. 

I have yet to pay homage to the Festival of Lights.  And…I’m not feeling fairly ambitious in this regard, either.  I have had an assignment from the Ops at ED for months which I have ignored.

When in doubt…plaigiarize.  Or appropriately cite your sources so you don’t get bitch-slapped a la Roy by Dock Ellis.

I present:

IJC Special Chanukah Edition
A Time to Celebrate and to Baffle Gentiles

Not only is Chanukah a time to share with your loved ones and to remember the Miracle it commemorates, it is also a time to confound goyim, and to reflect on what that means in these hectic and difficult times.

The Kwanzaa of the East
“We have at least five different spellings of Chanukah, and they’re all misleading in terms of pronunciation,” says Chaim Loewenthal from the Dept. of Strained Orthography. “Writing holiday cards is a nightmare for non-Members. An extra N? An extra K? Both? To C or not to C - that’s a joke, what’s wrong with you people? And for what do you need the last H, your health? That’s a joke, too. Wow, this is a tough room. Anyway, there are pitfalls everywhere, especially for a people who have such trouble spelling they have to write ‘Christmas’ with an X. I told them we should have called it Goymas. ‘Dreidl,’ by the way, is no easier. Even a novice can spell that six different ways.” He adds, “The double A in Kwanzaa doesn’t even come close to this confusing. Only the Hindus can claim to have outdone us, and did they ever miss the boat on important December holidays. I doubt they’ll ever catch up. ”

Not So Much a Feast as a Series of Snacks
Studies show that the origins and practice of Chanukah are as difficult to grasp as its name - and everyone, it seems, wants to claim responsibility.

“It’s all about the odd historical details,” says Dr. Frankel R. Leavis, of Records. “With a perfectly good battle raging, the thing you get worked up about is a lamp? It makes no sense. Then, it involves a guy called Judah Maccabee, or ‘the’ Maccabee, and sometimes even Judas Maccabeus even though he has nothing whatsoever to do with Easter. He’s fighting some nogoodnik named Antiochus IV, also unhelpfully known as Epiphanes - neither of which rolls gently off the tongue - who’s a Syrian, but called a Seleucid, and speaks Greek, in an era when Christian years are being counted backwards. Is it any wonder the goys get confused? I’m not even sure I understand it all.”

According to S** R*****, Secretary of Timing and Distances, however, “It lasts eight days, which makes employers crazy, and goyisher guys shtupping Conspiracy Memberikehs never know what that means in terms of gift buying. They generally err on the side of a warm bed at night and overspend. We’re the only fly in December’s economic ointment.”

The Festival of Light also starts on a different date each year. A Dept. of Calendar spokesman says this is the real source of gentile confusion. “If you want to know when Chanukah is starting, it’s easy: take the 25th day of Kislev, then assume the Hebrew calendar of 13 months, alternating 29 and 30 days, carefully adding 7 months every 19 years. Before Rosh Hashanah - which is in September if it isn’t in October - add 3,761 years to the Christian date. After Rosh Hashanah but before January 1st, add one less. Then adjust the whole thing to be sure Tishri doesn’t begin on a Friday or a Sunday, which would lengthen the Shabbos, or a Wednesday, which might possibly put Yom Kippur on a Friday, and there you have it. This is also one of the reasons we have trouble getting converts.”

Tangled up in Blue…

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, LOL J00z

For those who do not read The Local or do not understand the in-joke, this picture requires a little background.

There are some on The Local who insist that J00z rule the world.  And not in a favorable fashion.  Hence the oft mentioned Mossad references or the formerly mentioned reference to the IJC (which comprises any J00 sympathizer such as Melanie, Mutley and me…Queen Jewess). 

The uber-Sexy Mutley started a Chanukkah thread for the J00z on the forum.  Given his evil wit, he posted some mucho lulzy piccys to make me smile.

With that, I should like to present a picture of me on Halloween.  I traded the green skin in a favor of blue.

Meeting of the Minds ~ Redux

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, News, Rants

Well…you know an issue has, “arrived” when it makes the discussion forum on The Local.  Earlier today, I was in full, “represent” mode when discussing the Holocaust Denial Wank-Fest being hosted by the great nation of Iran.

As I was engaged in full assault mode, I had a bit of an epiphany.  One of the challengers (a worthy opponent, I might add), brought Israel into the equation.  Here we are, having a discussion about whether or not it is ok to teach the denial platform and lo and behold, we have to make this about Israel.  There mere mention of Israel, as a point to detract from the atrocity that is the Holocaust sent my synapses firing.

Here’s how I see it, as spouted on The Local:

Has it occurred to anyone that the Holocaust is simply a tool? Does anyone actually believe that Iran, as a nation, gives a rat’s ass about the Holocaust, the victims and the survivors? Or is this not a giant distraction to promote the eradication of Israel?

Dragging the right for Israel to exist (whether or not you agree with it) into this argument is exactly what they are trying to promote. So…do you feed the beast that is Anti-Zionist through the bastardization of the Holocaust or do you drive home a message that states, “we are not going to fall into your trap?”

Whether or not you agree with Israel’s politics is entirely irrelevant here. Millions of innocent people suffered at the hands of a mad regime. And people want to make it all about politics.

Boo hiss.

There is a reason to preserve the integrity and the memory of the Holocaust.  It is to teach subsequent generations that genocide is wrong.  There are no grey areas here.

Free speech all you want.  I’m not trying to stifle that.  Sadly, part of living in a society that promotes free speech is having to hear nutters wax idiotic. 

Historical revisionism, on the other hand, is something I have no tolerance for.  The Holocaust should not be used as a tool for political expedience.  There are sacred cows in this world and this is one of them.

Idée fixe

Posted by High Priestess Kang as IJC, Observations

Idée fixe 

Main Entry: idée fixe
Pronunciation: (”)E-”dA-’fEks
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural idées fixes
Etymology: French, literally, fixed idea
: an idea that dominates one’s mind especially for a prolonged period

Fixation

You are important to people you have never met. You are important to people you have never heard of. You are important to people of whose existence you have only a marginal awareness. You are important to people you have forgotten. You are important to people you don’t care about. You are important to people who are not important to you. You are important.

What is it about me that makes me the object of importance rather than the devotee?

Objectification.

To be painted with the reflection of someone else’s dreams, someone else’s ideals.

To be, at the last, not a peer but a superior.

That fixation, ultimately, is the cause of the idolater, not the idol. The golden calf never proclaimed itself a god, never believed itself a god. In the end, the idolaters destroy themselves.

But until that end, they return to their fallen idol religiously.

How can one aspire to greatness, let alone anything, when thought is inhibited by fixating on a particular person, place or thing?  Tis one thing to have a goal, tis another to have an obsession.

I was going to add a bit about not putting false G-ds before…  Then I realized, those who “fix” are more than likely lacking morality anyhow, thus making my point moot.